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mood |
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![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dibarclay |
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music |
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VAST - One More Day |
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"All alone on a Sunday morning. Outside, I see the rain is falling -- whoa. Inside I'm slowly dying, but the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying. And you, don't you know my tears will burn the pillow, set this place on fire, cause I'm tired of your lies. All I needed was a simple hello. But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry out. I gave you my love in vain. My body never knew such pleasure, my heart never knew such pain. And you, you leave me so confused .. now I'm all cried out over you."
He keeps sending me instant messages. I love you, I can't live without you. LIKE HELL YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of being the "other woman," when I should have been the only woman. Do you hear me? Is it getting through your thick head yet? I was it. I was the one waiting at home for you. I was the one you had, you had me, and YOU THREW US AWAY. YOU did this to us. Not me.
I used to feel sympathetic for you. I used to feel horrible that "everyone else," had left you. I used to feel bad that you felt so guilty. But you know what, Kent? You DESERVE to feel guilty. You deserve to feel the pain, the hurt, the heartbreak, and do you know why you're not feeling anything BEYOND that?
Because I'm stupid. Because I've gone soft. Because I've gone .. I've just gone.
You get a free pass on this one. Because I will NEVER stop loving you. Because my heart will always know that it was faithful til the very end, that I did everything I could. THAT is why you get the free pass.
But I advise you to stay the hell away from me and my family. I advise you to stop this nonsense. Stop hurting me. Because I don't have much of a heart left to break, Kent. Do you hear me? I HAVE NOTHING LEFT OF MY HEART TO GIVE. Nothing. I can't give you more tears because I'm all cried out. I can't give you any more of my pain, because it's already unbearable. I have nothing left to give you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you chose this path. But leave it here. If you ever loved me, because you clearly never loved me enough to fight for me, but if you ever loved me at all, let me go. Let me go, because I'd rather drown on my own than be drowned by you. And I will. You can rest assured that I will drown on my own.
[ PRIVATE ]
There used to be a time when I could drown my sorrows in a bottle and a strong man. And I almost did. I almost did. But I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't sleep with him knowing that my heart belonged only to Kent. My heart, my body, my soul. This is my hemlock. This is my last supper.
I don't know how to go on from here.
[ END PRIVATE ]
( LETTER WRITTEN TO JADE BELIVEAU )
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